On the way to the semifinals, we take a look at the other side of the bracket. The villainous Michael Mooty and the magnanimous Dominic Casali square off for a shot at the title. Whose cuisine will reign supreme? Our two planeswalkers prepare the kitchens as the sidekicks for their culinary Chef de Cuisine. In the first corner, we have Chef Zur, an enchanter with a twisted sense of taste; he fell long ago to the dark side of cooking, brandishing wicked, wicked things such as cilantro, mango salsa, and raspberry vinaigrette. In the other, cleaner and more brightly-lit corner, we have Doran Doran, the Siege Tower Man, whose unique style utilizes many earthy roots and herbs, combined with the natural too-good-to-be-true sweetness of honey, harvested from the hive settling beneath his own boughs.
Not wanting their commanders to get their hands dirty before preparing their meals, Sous-Chefs Mooty and Dom roll to see who would take the first pickings. Mooty wins the initial roll and set to gathering only the freshest of ingredients. Neither player is satisfied with their opening hands of musty lands and soggy creatures, so they both take their free mulligans. Not liking what he found in his next seven either, Mooty exasperatedly sighs, “Really?” and reveals his entire hand to Dom.
“You can just pretend to take a normal mulligan by exiling all seven of your cards,” Dom replies.
“Hmm. I guess I shouldn’t have shown you my whole hand.” Mooty pitches five of his cards and draws a fresher four. After shuffling and cutting Mooty’s deck, both players seem satisfied to begin.
On his first turn, Mooty plays a succulent island and passes the turn. Dom draws his card and sets a very sour Seijiri Steppe onto the grille. “I give Skye protection from White until end of turn.”
“You bastard!” I cry, having risen to my feet before I realize I’ve even moved.
Dom innocently counters with, “But don’t you want protection from white?”
Confused and slightly ashamed, I sit quietly again and let the two continue. Mooty sets down another island, this one a more tangy sort, and taps out for a smooth and creamy Marble Diamond. Dom, for his part, lays out a fairly bitter Verdant Catacombs and passes the turn.
Here, Mooty picks up the pace by playing a Terramorphic Expanse and a Coldsteel Heart naming blue. Dom responds by popping his catacombs for a Murmuring Bosk, while Mooty, without hesitation, pops his expanse for a swamp. Now we’re really cookin’ with fire! (40-39)
Dom lays down a savory swamp, and Doran makes his grand entrance. Despite the Wooden Chef boldly sauntering into the kitchen, Dom appears worried. “I don’t know what I’m going to do here,” he mutters. Hopefully Doran will have a better plan than buckwheat pancakes, because those things are nasty.
Mooty draw and thinks for a while. He sets down an Esper Panorama, as if wondering how it might cleanse the palette in preparation of the first course, and thinks some more. “Take your time,” Dom offers. “It’s an untimed round. Obviously there is some option to consider other than casting Zur.”
As if tempted, or double-dog-dared to do so, Mooty summons the reviled Zur, the Enchanter. In the words of my great uncle… Allez cuisine!
Dom plays a plains and swings for 5 and brings some pain. Be careful not to bite your tongue, silly Frenchman! (35-39) [5 Doran]
Dom then anxiously taps out for a Magus of the Disk, hoping to set Zur’s toque aflame. However, Mooty was ready with a fire extinguisher in the form of a Condescend for 1, which let him scry for 2 and place one the cards he saw on the bottom of his library. “I had to try,” Dom said, then dejectedly muttered under his breath, “I need another land…”
Unfazed by the attempt to sully Zur’s garments, the dastardly duo enchants the head chef with a Vanishing before playing an Orzhov Basilica and returning the panorama to hand. Zur then charges across the kitchen to slap Doran with a fish. What will it be? Salmon? Mahi-mahi? No! It is a Diplomatic Immunity to give himself shroud! Thanks to Doran’s ability, Zur’s 4 toughness makes him hit much harder than usual. (35-35) [5 Doran, 4 Zur]
Dom untaps, beats Zur back to his side of the kitchen stadium with a rolling pin, then casts the mighty meat tenderizer better known as a Behemoth Sledge. Unfortunately, he has no land for the turn and must pass his turn with no further action. (30-38) [10 Doran, 4 Zur]
Mooty casts a Phyrexian Arena and sends Zur across the room once again, this time finding a Solitary Confinement. Oh, what a delicious combo! (30-31) [10 Doran, 8 Zur]
Fortunately for the good guys, Dom topdecks an Eiganjo Castle, which he quickly plays, then casts Krosan Grip to destroy the confinement, making Mooty vulnerable once again. With a quick 1-2, Doran delivers another devastating blow. If this keeps up, Zur might be eating nothing but hospital food for a while. (25-31) [15 Doran, 8 Zur]
Mooty draws two cards and loses a life, thanks to the arena, then sends Zur to the other side of the kitchen, this time to fetch a Story Circle naming green. Is Zur a cook or an errand boy? Either way, Mooty is well-protected once again. (24-27) [15 Doran, 12 Zur]
Dom draws a much-needed land, but it was a Terramorphic Expanse, and the forest he immediately fetched with it entered the battlefield tapped, so, after taking a long, weary look at the white enchantment, Dom passed his turn with no action.
Mooty draws another two cards, then swings with Zur to find an Empyreal Armor, which threatens a lethal blow by granting the enchanter +5/+5 (one boost for each of the 5 cards in his hand). A Rootgrapple from Dom attempts to stem the bleeding, but Mooty is prepared with a Rune Snag. It looks like Doran will be needing a sap transplant soon. Quickly now! Someone fetch up a jar of sugary maple goodness! (23-19) [15 Doran, 20 Zur]
Dom casts a last-ditch Gideon Jura to buy him a turn, but that is all he can do. Mooty draws two more cards and swings at the white planeswalker, fetching a Steel of the Godhead. Gideon has a sudden change of heart as his loyalty drops into the negatives and POOF!! He’s outta here! The Godhead aura’s lifelink sends Mooty’s life total skyrocketing. (32-19)
Team Awesome is standing on its last legs as Dom slowly peels the top card off his library as if it were the Holy Grainana. Unfortunately, a Profane Command isn’t nearly enough to finish off his opponent or even to take down the obscenely beefy Zur. “It’s too late,” Dom says. “Would’ve helped a few turns ago.” He casts a Linvala, Keeper of Silence, and passes. It will do him no good, though, as Zur is currently unblockable.
Mooty draws another two cards, and Zur closes up shop for the night. Mooty has once again tasted sweet, sweet victory, advancing to the finals. But he’d best watch his back: Revenge is a dish best served cold.
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