And here we are, folks! The end of the end. The battle to decide all battles forevermore. (until the next tournament, of course.) Standing face-to-face in a pit of agony and death where so many have fallen before them, we see this night’s boogeyman, Michael Mooty’s seemingly undefeatable Zur the Enchanter set against Hunter Garrett’s mighty Omnath, Locus of Mana in a battle to the death. I was about to ask if Hunter was nervous coming into what would prove to be a vicious bloodbath when he began laughing and said, “I’ve gotten so lucky to make it this far. I don’t think this deck is half bad, but it shouldn’t be this good.” He looked over at Mooty and added, “You’re right where you should be, though.”
Mooty once again wins the die roll and decides to make the first move. I notice Mooty looking over at my screen on occasion in an attempt to find out what I’m writing about him. I tell him he shouldn’t look because I might be writing sensitive information about either side and don’t want to give him any clues as to what the right play might be. He responds by claiming that I might be talking smack about him or writing nonsense that has nothing to do with the truth of the matter. I relent, but decide to punish him get at him in a different sort of way…
The two shuffle their decks and make their cuts. Hunter fumbles with Mooty’s cards and spills them across the table, some face-up. “I guess you need to shuffle again,” Hunter jokes. As Mooty reshuffles his deck he looks over to my screen, only to find the words “MOOTY, IF YOU ARE READING THIS, GO [insert inappropriate action to be performed with an obscure animal]” Mooty bursts into hysterics.
“I’ll keep writing these throughout the match so that you stop reading my screen,” I say.
Bryant pops over and says, “No, he’ll keep reading them and laugh.”
“Then he’ll be distracted,” I reply, “and Hunter will have the edge!”
Mooty gives me a hurt look. “You’re on his side?!”
I give him a look that plainly matches my retort: “Duh. You’re the villain here!”
Once both players have drawn their cards, Mooty decides to keep while Hunter mutters, “I’m not really a fan of this hand, so I’m going to mulligan. I had a Kozilek, but…” before trailing off. Earlier in the tournament, Hunter took a very quick victory off the back of a turn 4 Kozilek. He would need a similar miracle to win here. So Hunter takes his free mulligan. Then, not happy enough with his new hand, he sets three cards aside and draws two more. At last, the battle commences.
Mooty plays first turn Marsh Flats and instantly sacrifices it for a plains. (39-40)
Hunter starts off by playing a forest and casting a Birds of Paradise. This could mean something exciting is waiting in the wings.
Mooty plays a Scaldimg Tarn and, before ending his turn, sacrifices it for an island and then casts a Sky Diamond. (38-40)
Hunter, for his turn, plays another forest and casts Omnath.
Mooty untaps, then casts a Prismatic Lens and a Sphere of the Suns. “We both missed our land drops,” Mooty comments.
Hunter gives him a level gaze and responds, “No, that was only my second turn.” Whoops.
Ready to take his turn, Hunter untaps, then plays another forest and taps all of his mana sources for 4 green mana. Omnath swings in for 5 before Hunter spends the mana to cast a Cultivate and suspend a Search for Tomorrow. Hunter ends his turn with Omnath once again an unassuming 1/1. (33-40) [5 Omnath]
Mooty stares at his landless hand for a while, then draws his card and, with a mix of disappointed surprise and matter-of-factness, says, “Really.” He casts an Everflowing Chalice, kicked twice, and ends his turn. Hunter untaps, plays another forest, then taps all his lands and his birds to swing for what would have been 6 damage… if not for Mooty’s interfering Path to Exile targeting the commander. Hunter’s mana dissipates harmlessly (Oh, mana burn, how we miss you so!) and he passes his turn.
Mooty decides to be boring and play a Drowned Catacombs. Then he decides to be a jerk and casts Zur, the Enchanter before ending his turn. Hunter untaps again, then during his upkeep casts Search for Tomorrow off of suspend. “Counter?” Hunter asks curiously.
Mooty just laughs. “No.” Hunter searches for a forest, then in his main phase casts Strata Scythe. Mooty laughs again and says, “Yeah, that’s okay.” Hunter promptly exiles a forest and equips the scythe to the birds. Mooty’s eye bugs out when the colorful mana-maker bashes in for 7. “I wasn’t expecting you to equip it to that thing.” (26-40)
Zur swings on Mooty’s turn and, after much deliberation, finds a Diplomatic Immunity. “I was thinking of trying something different, like Declaration of Naught naming Omnath.” (26-39) [5 Omnath, 1 Zur]
Hunter casts an Explore, plays his first forest of the turn, then casts Land Grant by revealing his hand so he can find another forest. In doing so, he revealed a Rampaging Baloths, a Green Sun’s Zenith, and a Baru, Fist of Krosa. He casts Baru, and then sends the birds charging in with its gigantic scythe in its beak. Unfortunately for Hunter, his birds decide to take the scythe to the farmland as Mooty shows him a Swords to Plowshares. (26-48)
Mooty untaps, then swings and finds a Solitary Confinement to invalidate any realistic form of offense Hunter might try to muster. (26-47) [5 Omnath, 2 Zur]
On his turn, Hunter attempts to recast Omnath, but is foiled by a Thoughtbind. He equips the scythe to Baru and passes. During his upkeep, Mooty discards an Eel Umbra to Solitary Confinement, then swings and fetches an Ophidian Eye so that he can have extra cards to pitch to the Confinement. (26-46) [5 Omnath, 3 Zur]
Hunter casts Omnath for the third time this game, and he resolves. Having nothing else to do, he passes the turn. Mooty discards a Skycloud Expanse to the Confinement, then swings. Hunter taps 4 mana, presumable to make Omnath bigger, as Zur fetches a Phyrexian Arena. “Hmm… you have no nonbasic lands,” Mooty mutters. (26-45) [5 Omnath, 4 Zur]
“Is that relevant?” Hunter asks. At this point, Mooty finally looks over at my screen again and sees, in giant letters, “MOOTY, YOU’RE GONNA LOSE,” and, “MOOTY YOU’RE GOING TO RECEIVE A PACKAGE IN THE MAIL… A BOX OF FAIL.”
Hunter casts a Green Sun’s Zenith for 4 and Mooty taps some lands. “Umm…” Mooty starts.
“That’s probably a counterspell,” Hunter says.
“That’s probably a Cloudthresher,” Mooty replies.
“For four?” We all have a good laugh at Mooty’s expense. He gets the last laugh, though, as he casts Cancel to counter it. Hunter then settles to “just” have a Rampaging Baloths, then plays a forest to make a 4/4 beast token. Unfortunately, he still has no way to punch through the Confinement and passes the turn.
Mooty draws a card off of the Arena, then discards an Arcane Sanctum. He swings with Zur once again, and while he’s searching for his enchantment, a comment from the peanut gallery convinces him to play more conservatively than he was otherwise planning to. He decides to take a Greater Auramancy. The only thing Hunter can do on his turn is equip the Strata Scythe to Omnath. (25-44) [5 Omnath, 5 Zur]
Mooty draws another card from the Arena, then discards a Power Sink –
“Because I’ll just be able to pay for it,” Hunter suggests.
“Erm… yeah, exactly.”
Mooty casts a land tax, then swings at Hunter yet again, this time fetching Steel of the Godhead. Hunter flashes in a Cloudthresher and jokes, “In response, block.” On Hunter’s turn, he casts a Mosstodon and a Whispersilk Cloak, but ultimately passes his turn without any relevant action. (25-40) [5 Omnath, 8 Zur]
On Mooty’s upkeep, he uses the Land Tax to search for two islands and a plains, then discards a plains for the Confinement. He swings and and searches out a Daybreak Coronet, then passes his turn. (30-33) [5 Omnath, 14 Zur]
On his final turn of the game, all Hunter could do was equip his Whispersilk Cloak to Omnath. Like most people throughout the day, there really wasn’t anything they could do to fight back. After dealing with all of his upkeep shenanigans, Mooty swung in and grabbed an Emypreal Armor to finish off his hapless opponent.
Congratulation, Michael Mooty! You are our champion, our shining star, our traveller of the multiverse who will bring joy and healing to all the sick peoples of our many worlds! Or so we’d say, but playing broken cards won't cure cancer. Oh well. Maybe next year…
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